Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
