Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
