if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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