he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
