i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we made out on top of his cat.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
