dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
