yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
