The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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