i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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