You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
