I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
