I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
