her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
There's even glitter on my cock...
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