Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Randomize
