Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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