i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
