so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
