My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
