Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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