So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
