There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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