Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize