i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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