is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize