You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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