Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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