I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
