It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
