I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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