I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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