i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
