It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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