I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
