that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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