So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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