Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
