HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
