And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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