There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
