dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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