Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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