I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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