your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
