Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
