My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
