I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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