i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You can't motorboat a personality
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
