we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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