but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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