Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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