I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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