k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
