are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
