Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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