I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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