u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
