Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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