I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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