I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize