A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
