All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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